- U.S. leads attack on Iraq to rid country of evil dictator, Saddam Hussein.
- Hussein is out gunned; out manned, but a good dancer...vows to fight till the end
- The UK's Tony Blair goes off Carb diet, starts smoking cigars.
- France informs world of the "If France Can't Possibly Be Taken Over, France Can't Go To War," clause of their constitution.

- Iraq, fearing the need to surrender becomes desperate and makes phone call to Russia's Vladimir Putin. "Putin," says Saddam, "you guys aren't really over that whole Cold War thing, are ya?"

- Putin admits he's still a little ticked about the little incident. Orders remaining members of KGB to stop drinking tea on top of their nukes. "We don't have to pretend they are fine antique tables,anymore. Fooled You!" says Putin to Bush
- Bush laughs and admits to the same scheme. - American antique table industry takes major hit as inventory plummets.
- Record number of Israelis experience the runs.

- Germany decides to join the war by vowing to help the U.S.
- Russia nukes Berlin
- Millions of American's feel conflicted: "On the one hand, they said they were our friends...but...well...fuck the Germans."
- Former satellite nations of Soviet Union respond by throwing stones at posters of Putin...they are quickly re-annexed.

- France surrenders
- U.S. Admiral Covington S. Covington is discharged after remarking "Didn't say that one coming."
- Switzerland affirms its neutrality.

- UK sends more troops to Gulf.
- American Navy jokingly dresses up as Indians and throws tea supplies overboard.
- More Israelis experience the runs.
- Would-be Stand-up comedians continue to make jokes that draw allusions between Bush's last name and unshaved female genitalia. Bush is crippled by insecurity.

- Bush calls Israel's Sharon, "Go have some fun, you're allowed...really, its a whoopin' good time," says Bush. Newspapers show photo of Sharon and Bush jumping in air, high-fiving.
- Within 6 minutes Israel takes over Russia, Libya, Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, Chad, Guam (which they quickly return to the U.S.) and finds Bin Laden.
- France, unsure if it has surrenders...resurrenders.

- Admiral Covington S. Covington is reinstated.
- Saddam converts to Judaism; Baghdad becomes "New Hollywood." SUVs for everyone!

- All news information is translated into Korean.
- North Korea inadvertently nukes...itself, teaching the world about the perils of war.
- Werner gets job.